Chapter 53: Captivity: The Second Day

Summary

     Milady starts off her next day in the same way, getting some more sympathy by claiming she couldn’t sleep all night due to fever, and refuses to touch her food. However, that is not the good part. The good part comes when Mr. Felton brings her a Catholic book of mass to comfort her. Lord de Winter, surprisingly, kindly ordered that he do so. Milady is about to accept it when her extraordinarily perceptive eye catches a flicker of derision in Felton’s eyes when he says ‘your mass’ and a slight tone of disapproval. She looks at him quickly and searchingly, seeing his plain, neat, dark clothes, and his habitual strict discipline. Her quick brain deduces that religion would be the way to win this man. She realizes, by these two words uttered by him and a glance that he is a Puritan, and proceeds accordingly. She indignantly disavows Catholicism, and while she does not state her religion, she implies that she is a Puritan by some religious reference that went over my head. Mr. Felton does not say anything, but his expression shows that he sees her in an entirely new light. Her pretended faith causes her to receive a rude visit from Lord de Winter, who mercilessly makes fun of her as he did before. She stays calm and collected, and sticks to her ‘faith.’

     The next time Felton brings her a meal, she is praying fervently. She knows a few Puritan prayers because she once had a devoutly Puritan servant. She eats only the plain food, and continues her prayers. Felton sends someone else to clear her food away. Milady smiles to herself – he is afraid to see her too often! Her plan is working! After half an hour or so, Milady begins to sing pious songs. She has a lovely voice, and uses it to her advantage. Mr. Felton is overwhelmed, and comes into the room to stare at her as if she is an angel. He leaves soon after, upset with himself.

Reaction

     Milady is brilliant! This chapter was impressive. Her stroke of genius in identifying Mr. Felton’s religion probably saved her life. Lord de Winter plans to put her in jail in about 10 days, so I think Milady is perfectly justified in manipulating Mr. Felton. I’m glad it’s working. But we still have three more days of captivity. 

Chapter 52: Captivity: The First Day

Summary

     I like Milady tremendously, but I took a look at the chapter list and alas! What did I see? I saw five whole chapters dedicated to what Milady does in captivity. Dumas, you better make this good. Milady, in her Armchair of Angst, reflects on her options for escape. At first, she considers using tools to dig her way out or break out physically. Then, however, Dumas gets all sexist and says that of course Milady can’t do that, silly, she’s a woman! And women are frail! He goes on to lament that nature put a man-like soul in a weak, womanly body. Milady decides that to escape, she will get her guard, Mr. Felton, on her side. She begins by pretending to have fainted when he enters, to gain sympathy. He is wary of her, and offers to send for a physician when she comes to. She refuses the offer, and continues to attempt to gain his sympathy by feigning weakness. The ploy is foiled when Lord de Winter comes in, sees right through her fake malady, and points it out maliciously to Mr. Felton. He cruelly makes fun of her a little more. Mr. Felton seems disgusted by Milady’s trickery, and says that he was wrong about her. I feel plenty of second-hand embarrassment for Milady’s failure, but we learn that she does not despair – she uses this failed tactic to her advantage. She scopes out Mr. Felton during his visits, and astutely notes his phrasing: ‘I was wrong,’ he said. That means that he has sympathy for her, and is a virtuous young man.

Reaction

     While Dumas’s sexism is rather annoying to read, at least we all know that Milady doesn’t agree with him. She knows that women are capable – remember her ‘do you take me for half a woman’ line? I seriously doubt that Milady would underestimate her own strength and resourcefulness just based on the fact that she is a woman. That’s why her decision to not physically break out of her prison and instead emotionally manipulate Mr. Felton is a good idea. First of all, she is being guarded all day – how can she break out? Second, Milady is very sharp and excellent at reading people. It makes sense that she would use her best skills to free herself. While her fainting and all was painful because it failed so badly, she now is at an advantage because she forced Mr. Felton to interact with her and learned that he has some sympathy for her. It might be interesting to see how Milady makes Mr. Felton completely switch allegiances despite his wariness of her.

     My favorite line is when Dumas calls Lord de Winter Milady’s “fraternal and terrible jailer.” It’s just so delightfully weird!

Chapter 51: Officer

Summary

     The cardinal impatiently awaits word from Milady. In the meantime, he catches a spy with a letter for Buckingham, which says that if supplies do not arrive soon, the English would starve. So, the cardinal really wants to hear from Milady that Buckingham would never come, because it would ruin the Englishmen’s morale. When Henry VI had besieged Paris many years ago, he had food thrown over the wall. Now, the cardinal throws notes over the walls of La Rochelle telling the English people that their leaders are selfish. The cardinal aims to divide and conquer, and is ruthless. In a foul mood, he rides outdoors with Cahusac (remember him? The Fearsome Four fought him one time) and another loyal soldier. Suddenly, he stumbles across the Fearsome Four and their servants hanging out on the lawn, huddled around a letter. The cardinal immediately feels irate, and attempts to sneak up and listen to their conversation. However, Grimaud breaks his silence again by shouting when he sees the cardinal, and the Fearsome Four scramble up in horror, hiding the letter. Their secrecy enrages the cardinal and he demands the letter. Athos, ever calm, evades the request, and the cardinal backs off. However, he is now suspicious of and furious at the four Musketeers, and vows to keep an eye on them. He leaves angrily.

     Panicked, the friends try to figure out what to do. Athos defends his impudence towards the cardinal by explaining that they do not like the cardinal; they are not on his side – so why would they betray themselves for him? I’m glad Athos clarified that – I was starting to wonder why they all obeyed the cardinal when he is their mortal enemy. They all agree with Athos, and now talk about how to dispose of the letter. The letter is from Aramis’s cousin, who has found Madame Bonacieux. The poor lady wants to hear word from d’Artagnan and is slightly anxious, but otherwise is safe and sound. D’Artagnan then suggests burning the letter, now that they all have read it. Athos disagrees; preferring to dispose of it in his own, insane way. As a way of punishment for speaking, he forces Grimaud to eat the letter. Grimaud does so with good humor. Then, as a reward for accepting the punishment (doesn’t that beat the point of a punishment?) Athos gives Grimaud a glass of wine, and Grimaud drinks it happily. Wow, that must be the first time a servant has gotten to ingest anything pleasant in this entire novel!

Reaction

     I approve of this chapter. I swear Athos has gone insane ever since he went into that cellar, and I love his insanity. However, I feel sorry for Grimaud; eating a letter cannot be very pleasant.  Athos’s logical reasons for subtly defying the cardinal make sense. I mean I understand that they are scared of him – I am too – but they can’t just keep blindly obeying him when he is actually their enemy. 

     My favorite line was Athos’s ‘punishment’ for Grimaud: “‘Come here, Grimaud,’ said Athos. Grimaud rose and obeyed. ‘As a punishment for having spoken without permission, my friend, you will please to eat this piece of paper; then to recompense you for the service you will have rendered us, you shall afterward drink this glass of wine. First, here is the letter. Eat heartily.’” Athos is gloriously crazy. 

Chapter 50: Chat Between Brother and Sister

Summary

     I love how the title totally fits in with my favorite line from the last chapter. Lord de Winter informs Milady of all that he knows about her, including her fleur-de-lis, and tells her that she is not to leave the place, and if she tries to kill him or escape, she will be shot instantly. The man who transported her to the apartment, Mr. Felton, will be in charge of her. Milady is furious and despairing. She sinks into an armchair to reflect on her situation and think of a way out. Yep, that’s basically it!

Reaction

     Baby chapter! As I said last chapter, I hope Milady regains some of her power. It seems unnatural to see her outwitted and trapped. I’d rather her be the foreboding villain I am used to than this helpless prisoner. My favorite line is Lord de Winter’s sarcastic reply to Milady’s request for a female maid (obviously, she wants one to help her escape): “Cannot I serve you as a waiting maid?” That would be a pretty sight, no doubt!

Chapter 49: Fatality

Summary

     Aboard a ship heading for England, Milady grows very anxious about Athos’s threats and has an urge to return back to Paris in order to take revenge. However, she realizes that the cardinal would be furious with her, so she has no choice but to continue on. When she reaches England, a young man helps her into a boat and takes her quickly to shore. There, he kindly gets a carriage for her and takes her to the city. Milady does not really want his help, but the man is quite insistent, and she soon realizes that she is being kidnapped. She tries to shout for help but now the carriage has taken her to a lavish apartment. She demands to know why she is being taken prisoner and who the person behind this is. That person enters the chamber in which she has been placed. It is Lord de Winter! He says that she is his prisoner.

Reaction

     Well! As much as I am on the Fearsome Four’s side, it wasn’t very pleasant to see Milady outwitted and captured like that. My favorite line is Lord de Winter’s words to Milady, because they sound so sinister: “Let us sit down and chat quietly, as brother and sister ought to do.” DUN-DUN-DUN!

Chapter 48: Family Affair

Summary

      This chapter is also amazing! Oh Dumas, how you toy with my emotions! The idea to stop Milady from ruining them all was a collaborative effort: Athos came up with the basic plan, Porthos came up with the means to get money (the diamond), Aramis decided on using servants to transport the letter, and d’Artagnan – well, d’Artagnan hasn’t really done anything; he is too scared of Milady. Sorry old chap, but you brought it upon yourself with your cruel trick. Other than that, d’Artagnan is pretty happy with his new rank of Musketeer. Aramis, rich from his poems, buys d’Artagnan a uniform, and he is parading it around the camp in delight. The Fearsome Four then meet to figure out which servant to send, and work on how to word the letters, which will be addressed to Lord de Winter and a contact of Aramis’s in Tours. Each Musketeer (because now all of them are Musketeers!) recommends his own servant, and none can agree. Aramis laments that none of the servants would risk their lives for their masters. D’Artagnan disagrees (and so do I – those servants are definitely dedicated). They argue some more about which servant has the best qualities. 

     Since they can’t decide on who is the best for the job, they move on to writing the letter to Lord de Winter. D’Artagnan picks up the pen and begins to compose the note. However, Athos is very annoying and critical, disapproving of everything being written, including the greeting. All his doubts are completely valid – the letter may be intercepted by cardinalists and must appear like it’s about nothing suspicious, just a ‘family affair.’ But d’Artagnan takes it badly. He doesn’t even write two sentences when he sulkily tells Athos to try doing a better job. God, I love how all of them act like they’re five year olds. Athos demurs, and says that ‘Aramis the abbe’ will do better. So they’re still not done teasing him about that, I see. D’Artagnan warns Aramis that he will let him write it, but Aramis better make it concise, or d’Artagnan will make him concise. Then Athos tells Aramis to talk more quietly and they all bicker a bit, like the elementary school students they are.

     After this squabbling is out of the way, Athos decides to tell everyone about his story – and now all the Fearsome Four know about Athos’s marriage to Milady and him trying to hang her. All are shocked, but after seeing her violence and general evilness recently, they are much less horrified than d’Artagnan (and I) was when he first heard it. Aramis pens the letter, and it is beautifully innocuous while still getting the message across. The letter warns Lord de Winter that ‘she’ is after his life, and is about to do a dastardly act. It also tells him to look at her left shoulder to see what she is capable of. Wow, Aramis is good – the letter never mentions any names – not even d’Artagnan’s or Milady’s, and yet it is perfectly clear. 

     Aramis then writes a letter to a special someone in Tours. The rest all give each other knowing looks. Everyone knows that he is writing to the Duchesse de Chevreuse. Aramis then pens this letter as beautifully as the first, pretending to be a cardinalist that is happy about the duke being in danger. He knows that the lady who receives this will interpret it as the warning and plea for help that it is. He then must write the address. All crane their necks to see the name; sure that it is the duchesse. To everyone’s surprise, it actually is his cousin that will help them! D’Artagnan, Athos, and Porthos burst into laughter, caught, and even Aramis laughs. Aramis then says that only Bazin can take the letter to Tours, because he is the only servant that his cousin will recognize.

     D’Artagnan finally convinces the others that Planchet will do the best in London, because he has been there before,  is brave and loyal, and can say “London, sir, if you please, and my master, Lord d'Artagnan” in English. Awe, bless his heart. They all agree that Planchet will perform the London mission. They then summon Planchet, and give him instructions and money for the journey. He assures d’Artagnan that if he is captured; he will eat the letter. D’Artagnan laughs, saying that then he will have failed his mission. However, Planchet promptly replies that he will have memorized the letter by then, so he won’t have failed. D’Artagnan gives his friends a ‘told you so!’ look. He then instructs Planchet to be back in sixteen days; eight there, and eight back. Planchet agrees, but requests a watch to help him do so. Athos gives him his watch, but then languidly threatens to rip his stomach out if he betrays d’Artagnan. Planchet is horrified. The other Musketeers give him similar threats, but wish him well. D’Artagnan even hugs him. He sets off at a gallop, slightly depressed by the threats, but otherwise in good spirits. Likewise, Bazin is informed and he too sets off with his message.

     In eight days, Bazin returns safely! He finds the Fearsome Four chilling in the tavern with their other friends and the Swiss man. Smiling as usual (except for when he was sad during the religious-crisis/spinach episode), Bazin hands Aramis the reply. It is also cryptic, but she promises to help as asked. The Swiss man nosily reads the message. He then asks his ‘gomrade’ Aramis what the ‘duvil’ is going on. Aramis lies his way out of the sticky situation by claiming that he wrote to his cousin about a dream he had. The Swiss person has no real value in the scene except to say that he ‘neffer’ dreams, ‘neffer, neffer!’ Good lord. Then, Bazin lies down for a much-needed nap. He dreams that Aramis has become the pope and crowns Bazin the cardinal. So unlike the Swiss man, Bazin does dream! We’ll keep that in mind, Dumas. 

     For the eight remaining days until Planchet’s return, the Fearsome Four wander around like ghosts, and all feel restless. On the sixteenth day, they all wait for Planchet at that same tavern they met the Swiss man in. As the time nears eight o’clock in the evening (the appointed time), they all get more and more nervous. At exactly eight, Planchet announces his arrival by kindly offering d’Artagnan a cloak. Everyone is delighted to see him and each Musketeer except Athos exclaims his name in turn. Athos says that he is not surprised that Planchet arrived on time, because Planchet is a man of his word and a good boy. He even says that if Planchet ever wants to leave d’Artagnan, Athos will gladly take him. Wow, that is nicest Athos has ever been to Planchet. Planchet, however, says that he is never leaving d’Artagnan (don’t blame him – if he served Athos, he would turn into Grimaud, and who wants to be forced into silence?). D’Artagnan takes the note eagerly, and again feels like embracing Planchet. He decides not to, because it would look weird. Good lord, he really is a big baby! The letter says “Thank you; be easy.” Everyone is surprised that the letter is so short, but Planchet says that he will explain later. D’Artagnan allows him to go to bed.

Reaction

     Lots of adventure time in this chapter! I love how relatable the humor is; it reminds me of the earlier chapters. I also am so proud of Planchet. He got a whole mission to himself, and was so heroic!  And also I approve of the Musketeers all being nice to their servants for once. I feel as if at this point in the novel, each servant has made a little debut and we’ve gotten a good look at all their personalities. My favorite is still Planchet, but I’ve grown quite fond of the others, Grimaud and Mousqueton especially (sorry Bazin!). Either way, now I love them all and wish Dumas had written a spin-off novel of them going on epic adventures together and eating lots of food.

     Unsurprisingly, my favorite part had to do with Planchet. It was the threats each Musketeer made to him before he left on his mission. I couldn’t help quoting the novel in this huge chunk, it was just too priceless:

“‘But remember, also, that if by your fault any evil happens to d'Artagnan, I will find you, wherever you may be, for the purpose of ripping up your belly’ [said Athos].

‘Oh, monsieur!’ said Planchet, humiliated by the suspicion, and moreover, terrified at the calm air of the Musketeer.

‘And I,’ said Porthos, rolling his large eyes, ‘remember, I will skin you alive.’

‘Ah, monsieur!’

‘And I,’ said Aramis, with his soft, melodious voice, ‘remember that I will roast you at a slow fire, like a savage.’

‘Ah, monsieur!’

Planchet began to weep. We will not venture to say whether it was from terror created by the threats or from tenderness at seeing four friends so closely united.

D'Artagnan took his hand. ‘See, Planchet,’ said he, ‘these gentlemen only say this out of affection for me, but at bottom they all like you.’

‘Ah, monsieur,’ said Planchet, ‘I will succeed or I will consent to be cut in quarters; and if they do cut me in quarters, be assured that not a morsel of me will speak.’”

Oh my gosh, Aramis! So funny. Also, I just want to give Planchet a hug. When Dumas writes well, he writes well.

Chapter 47: The Council of the Musketeers

Summary

     This chapter is incredibly awesome. It also makes it harder to remember that Athos tried to hang Milady before she even became an evil spy, because he is just so great in this chapter. Let’s go back to the Fearsome Four in the bastion. Remember, they are eating breakfast on a small table in the middle of the ruined bastion and dead bodies. First things first, they take guns and bullets from the dead bodies, quite casually, and load them and keep them ready. Then, they break the news to d’Artagnan that Milady has permission from the cardinal to kill d’Artagnan. He is terrified – don’t blame him – but just then, Grimaud begins making urgent signals. Athos permits him to speak for the time being, but only in brief sentences. There is a troop of twenty enemies approaching! 

     Athos coolly finishes his glass of wine, and then grabs his rifle. Most of the enemies are just civilians though, and only four are actual soldiers. Aramis points out that firing on the civilians would not be very kind. Good job, Captain Obvious. Or I guess it would be M. Obvious? Athos, surprisingly, agrees that killing them without a warning would be harsh. So, he stands up and courteously asks them to allow the Musketeers to finish their breakfast. D’Artagnan nervously points out that the civilians are ignoring him and raising their guns. Athos argues that they are very bad marksmen, so who cares? Indeed, they try to shoot Athos but the bullets all miss him. Good grief! Funny-but-crazy Athos is back in full force. Then, the Fearsome Four get out their rifles, and after some of the troop fall dead, the rest of them flee. Athos invites Porthos, Aramis, and d’Artagnan to continue breakfasting.

     D’Artagnan resumes their previous conversation, asking what Milady is doing now. Athos casually tells him that she has already left to assassinate the duke. D’Artagnan is horrified, but Athos cares little, and instructs Grimaud to make a flag and put it up above their table. Grimaud, apparently used to these kinds of random and demanding orders, finds a napkin and fashions it into a flag. He hangs it above the little table, and it waves proudly above the breakfasters, probably looking strange in the middle of the ruins and dead bodies. Seeing the flag, the crowd cheers. Wow, why are they still here? Do they really enjoy watching people eat? 

     D’Artagnan says that the duke gave them nice horses, so they ought not to abandon them. Porthos agrees, approving of the saddles that the duke has provided (he is wearing the lace from his saddle on his cloak at that very moment). Athos shows everyone the note that he stole from Milady. Then, he lazily predicts that d’Artagnan will soon find himself in jail, and the three Musketeers will be imprisoned along with him to ensure he isn’t lonely. Just then, a large troop of soldiers arrives. Athos, calm as ever, makes a battle plan. They each will pick a soldier and kill him, then pick the one behind him and kill him also, and continue until they run out of bullets. Then, all four will run to the wall, which is precariously constructed, and push it down on the remaining soldiers. The plan works! ...Um, how?! That was the worst plan ever! Nevertheless, only a few soldiers escape. The Fearsome Four then discuss what to do about Milady. Athos keeps shooting down everyone else's plans, which are rather badly thought through.

     Suddenly, they hear drums being sounded, and realize than an entire regiment is being sent to attack them. Athos promptly tells Grimaud to prop up the dead bodies so it looks like they have a whole regiment too. Poor Grimaud! He does so, and the Musketeers continue chatting. Uh, do they really think they can take on a whole regiment? Athos has a good plan about Milady – they will write letters to Lord de Winter and the Queen informing them of Milady’s nefarious plan. Lord de Winter obviously likes d’Artagnan and may help; and the queen definitely will help. The Musketeers volunteer their servants to do this job. Meanwhile, the army approaches. Grimaud has also finished setting up the bodies. He has set them up with attitude – some are posing so they look angry and sassy, and others look very determined. That is just too cute. The Fearsome Four compliment his imagination. Then, they decide that they will retreat after all – how can they fight a whole regiment? 

     D’Artagnan, Grimaud, Aramis, and Porthos kind of speed-walk, scared, but Athos strolls along at a majestically unhurried pace. The others realize that he won’t move faster, so they sheepishly slow down to join him. Then Athos rather stupidly decides to 'rescue' the shabby little napkin-flag that Grimaud made, risking his life for it. Somehow, he makes it unscathed, but he is finally forced to run in order to survive. The regiment continues to fire at the corpses. Imagine their faces when they realize they are shooting their own dead men! The adventure causes a pleasant uproar at camp. The cardinal hears a garbled version of the tale, and mistakenly believes that they must be on his side. The cardinal is so glad that he finally allows d’Artagnan to officially become a Musketeer! The Fearsome Four is ecstatic. D’Artagnan also finally sells the Queen’s ring and gets quite an amount of money from the transaction.

Reaction

     This chapter was highly enjoyable to read. We have our lovable characters back! Dumas is back to his relatable humor! D’Artagnan doesn’t annoy me! Athos is the leader again! I approve of all of these changes greatly. I think their plan for stopping Milady might work – it depends on how much Lord de Winter trusts his sister-in-law. If he suspects that she is a spy that assassinates people for a living, he would be more willing to stop her. I have sympathy for Queen Anne, but to be honest, I don’t think she will be of much help. She is a nice lady, but she has very little power in her life. I hope they asks one of her friends for help, as also suggested. Athos was insane this chapter, but insane in a good way. Grimaud was also amazing. The servants all better survive this novel.

     My favorite line was, of course from Athos: “Gentlemen, a few friends and myself are about to breakfast in this bastion. Now, you know nothing is more disagreeable than being disturbed when one is at breakfast. We request you, then, if you really have business here, to wait till we have finished or repast, or to come again a short time hence, unless; unless, which would be far better, you form the salutary resolution to quit the side of the rebels, and come and drink with us to the health of the King of France.” Athos, you brazen little beast. 

Chapter 46: The Bastion Saint-Gervais

Summary

     The next day, the three friends summon d’Artagnan to tell him about their cardinal-filled adventure, and decide to head over to a tavern called the Parpaillot, because it is private and hard to be overheard in. They randomly drag along Grimaud, who is still not allowed to speak. Unfortunately, they arrive at the breakfast rush hour, and the tavern is packed. Random strangers keep being annoying and joining in their conversation even when they start with small talk that no one should care about. This random Swiss man who likes to swear in French and has a hilariously weird accent wants to make a “vager” with them. Athos decides to bet that the Fearsome Four will eat breakfast in the bastion St. Gervais (an enemy campsite that has recently been the site of an intense skirmish). A dragoon and this guy named M. de Busigny join in the wager, and all of them seal the deal. Athos’s idea is that now they will have an excuse for being seen together and also will have privacy. Good thinking, Athos! Porthos worries about their lack of weapons. Continuing his trend of awesome one-liners, Athos replies, “you are stupid, friend Porthos.” Athos suggests that they take guns and other weapons from the dead bodies lying at the bastion, so they will again be safe without looking suspicious by bringing weapons. The other three praise his intelligence. Soon, they reach the bastion. When Grimaud realizes what they are doing – having a picnic in enemy territory, he hesitates before entering until Athos threatens him. The Swiss man and the dragoon and quite a few others gather outside the gate to cheer the Fearsome Four (and poor Grimaud) on.

Reaction

     This chapter was again, brief, but a delight to read. I love Dumas’s randomly strange and amusing characters and Athos being witty again. Though Dumas tends to make a simple transition into a whole chapter! I mean, d’Artagnan still hasn’t been told about the events from the last chapter. My favorite lines were those from the Swiss man. I have no idea what a Swiss person would sound like when speaking French, but Dumas’s portrayal is funny: "‘Gentlemen,’ said Athos, ‘a wager!’ ‘Ah, wooi, a vager!’ cried the Swiss…'You was right,’ said the Swiss; ‘goose grease is kood with basdry.’…Will that do?’ [asked Athos]. ‘Capitally,’ replied M. de Busigny. ‘Perfectly,’ said the dragoon. ‘That shoots me,’ said the Swiss.” Ah, weird accents and messed up idioms never get old.

Chapter 45: A Conjugal Scene

Summary

     Porthos and Aramis walk the cardinal back to camp without any suspicion being cast on them. Meanwhile, Athos sneaks back to the tavern. YES. IT IS HAPPENING. He knows that Milady has not left yet. He lies to the owner of the tavern, taking advantage of the fact that the owner had seen him with the cardinal earlier, and is granted access to Milady’s chamber. He confronts her, at first hiding his face with his cloak and then DRAMATICALLY revealing it! She gasps, also theatrically. They refer to Athos as the Comte de la Fere, so I suppose that’s his real name. Dang, he’s a Comte too! Those Comte fellows always mean trouble. Milady’s real name turns out to be Anne de Breuil. Ironic! The queen, her polar opposite, is also named Anne! Athos and Milady stare at each other in terror and horror, and Milady reveals her plan to kill Madame Bonacieux and d’Artagnan, and tells him that the cardinal has given her permission to do so. In turn, Athos tells her than he knows all about the diamond studs and her spy role for the cardinal. She is livid. Then, he orders her to give him the note of permission that the cardinal gave her. To add some incentive, he places a pistol to her forehead and starts to squeeze the trigger. Milady now obviously has no choice, and she does as he says. She desperately wants to get the cardinal to get rid of him, but he knows her secret – the brand of the fleur-de-lis – and she knows that he will not hesitate to use it as blackmail. For his part, Athos casually walks back into camp and updates his friends on the Milady situation. They all get broody and thoughtful. Milady is also upset even as she sets out by ship on her new spy mission to kill the duke.

Reaction

     Athos is an exceedingly terrifying person. However, I’m glad that they just didn’t kiss and make up or something forgiving like that; it would ruin the exciting turn the plot has taken recently. Suspenseful and short chapter again! My favorite line is “‘You must be Satan!’ cried she. ‘Perhaps,’ said Athos.” I love how Athos has continued to come up with intense one-liners in the last few chapters.

Chapter 44: The Utility of Stovepipes

Summary

     The Musketeers are chilling in their room, waiting for the cardinal, when they realize that they can hear the cardinal’s conversation rather well by listening through a stovepipe in their chamber. Immoral little beasts that they are, they huddle around it – but perhaps it is justified, since they hear the cardinal talking to Milady! They had unwittingly protected her honor! The cardinal is instructing her to blackmail the Duke of Buckingham using as proof a scandalous meeting between him and Queen Anne. The cardinal further asks Milady to find a woman who has reason to hate the duke, so she can put their plan of assassinating the duke into action. She is to be the accomplice in the assassination, and Milady must find a young man to do the actual killing. Milady says that it will be done. The topic then changes to Milady’s enemies. She asks the cardinal to find out where Madame Bonacieux is, so Milady can take her revenge. She also wants him to get rid of d’Artagnan. He agrees to get him put in jail, but says that killing him will be harder. He writes her a permission note to kill d’Artagnan herself, however. Then, Milady prepares to leave. The cardinal says that the Musketeers will escort him back (he clearly does not know they overheard the conversation or know who Milady is). Athos obviously doesn’t want to be seen by Milady, so he leaves quickly, telling the others to inform the cardinal that he went ahead to be a lookout.

Reaction

     Tiny chapter again! Milady is a very skilled spy – her professionalism and references to other missions carried out successfully are quite impressive. I hope Milady doesn’t know who Porthos and Aramis are! The stovepipe was a little bit too convenient, but it moved the plot ahead so I won’t complain.

     My favorite line was: “As to Athos, he went out without any mystery, took his horse, which was tied with those of his friends to the fastenings of the shutters, in four words convinced the attendant of the necessity of a vanguard for their return, carefully examined the priming of his pistols, drew his sword, and took, like a forlorn hope, the road to the camp.” He sounds so Lone Ranger-y! I love that – ‘like a forlorn hope.’

Chapter 43: The Sign of the Red Dovecot

Summary

    There is a bit of drama between the higher-ups in the army, but the king and cardinal sort it out, and they lay a siege on the Isle de Loie. The French defeat the English at the Isle, and some compromising papers that could get the Duchesse de Chevreuse into trouble are found in the Duke of Buckingham’s post, abandoned as the English had to flee. The Musketeers had very little to with this attack, so they spent time partying in the camps. One night, d’Artagnan is assigned to his guard duties so the original three Musketeers decide to take a little ride. On their way back from a tavern, they run into someone in disguise, who turns out to be the cardinal! He asks them to follow him to protect him as he rides. They agree and do so. They relate to the cardinal their adventures of the night. In a tavern called the Red Dovecot, they got in a duel to defend a woman’s honor. The cardinal questions them about the woman for some reason, but they did not get a good look at her and are unable to supply any more information. Now, the cardinal is going into the Red Dovecot for his mission, and they get a chamber and wait for him.

Reaction

     Most of the chapter is fluff about petulant higher-officials, which was uneventful and easy to summarize, so the chapter seems very short. I always have trouble understanding the Fearsome Four’s mix of respect and hatred for the cardinal. They always behave like gentlemen towards him and are loyal to him in a strange way, yet they dislike him personally and what he stands for. The whole relationship is quite odd.

     My favorite line was: “On their part the Musketeers, who had not much to do with the siege, were not under very strict orders and led a joyous life. It was the more easy for our three companions in particular; for being friends of M. de Treville, they obtained from him special permission to be absent after the closing of the camp.” I love how the whole beginning of the chapter is about how hard everyone else is working, and then here are the Musketeers, goofing around and getting special privileges. 

Chapter 42: The Anjou Wine

Summary

     The next day, d’Artagnan finally receives word from his friends. They have sent him a large shipment of Anjou wine! D’Artagnan has to go out to the field that day, so he allows a select few men to have the first taste. These men are: the half-dead guy that used to be d’Artagnan’s assassin, Planchet, and one of Planchet’s servant friends. What is this sorcery? Do the servants and sympathetic characters actually get to enjoy something nice? Good for you, d’Artagnan, it’s quite time! Oh never mind, they just are assigned to prepare it for the rest of the company to enjoy. That day, the king feels healthier, and the Musketeers finally meet up with the Guardsmen. The Fearsome Four embrace ecstatically. However, d’Artagnan soon finds out that they never sent any wine over! All four rush to the tent where the servants are preparing the wine and try to stop them – and alas, come across a horrific sight. The ex-assassin, who tried the wine, is writhing on the floor in agony, and dies while accusing d’Artagnan of poisoning him. Planchet and the servant friend try to save his life but fail to stop the fast-acting poison. D’Artagnan shows the Musketeers the letter, feeling distressed at the close call. Amusingly, Aramis is more upset that the forged letter called the Musketeers rowdy than anything else. The Fearsome Four agree that something needs to be done about Milady. After brainstorming, Aramis says that he will gather information about her, citing some, ahem, connections he has with the queen’s friends (his mistress, guys). D’Artagnan and Athos decide that d’Artagnan ought to meet with Milady and figure out an arrangement or truce using their knowledge of her branded shoulder as blackmail.

Reaction

     I knew it! As soon as wine arrived with a mysterious letter, I knew d’Artagnan ought not to drink it! I’m quite glad that Planchet escaped, but the ex-assassin blaming d’Artagnan and dying in agony is very heartrending. D’Artagnan needs to be more careful! Milady is truly an amazing villain and I’m glad we’ll be seeing more of her. D’Artagnan was rather pleasant in this chapter – except that he still melodramatically claims to love Madame Bonacieux.

     In fact, my favorite part was this little exchange:

"Yes, we. Besides, we are men; and everything considered, it is our lot to risk our lives; but she," [said d’Artagnan] in an undertone.

"What she?" asked Athos.

"Constance."

"Madame Bonacieux! Ah, that's true!" said Athos. "My poor friend, I had forgotten you were in love."

I loved the contrast between d’Artagnan’s drama and Athos’s cheerful obliviousness. I think d’Artagnan had forgotten too, Athos!

Chapter 41: The Siege of La Rochelle

Summary

     Ah, a chapter in which Dumas feels the need to give us historical information! That hasn’t happened in a while. The cardinal, who formulates the war plans, has a few reasons for wanting to lay a siege on La Rochelle. Politically, La Rochelle is the last remaining important city not given up to the Huguenots by Henry IV. So, the cardinal wants to get rid of this last stronghold of Calvinism. In other words, La Rochelle is the only place still open to the English, and France wants to close it. Personally, the cardinal wants to humiliate Buckingham because the cardinal used to be in love with the queen. That makes no sense unless he still has feelings for her, but we’ll let it go. 

     So far, Buckingham gained a slight advantage when he landed unexpectedly on the Isle of Re. Now, the king is struck by fever and the Musketeers have to stop their advances. D’Artagnan and his fellow guards continue onwards. What? D’Artagnan isn’t a Musketeer? Apparently the king gave him a position in the Musketeers but the actual transition has not taken place yet because the cardinal has not approved. Alright then. It’s jarringly clear that the cardinal has all the power, and even the king is under his influence. The following day, d’Artagnan is ambushed by mysterious assassins. They must have been the ones sent by Milady! They shoot his hat and another guardsman, but fail to kill d’Artagnan. D’Artagnan rescues his precious hat, and runs back to camp. He spends a sleepless night worrying about his safety, and spends the next day in his quarters, feigning illness. Actually, I don’t blame him. Being hunted is very unnerving and terrifying. He sits and thinks about how sad his life is – he says that the only woman he loves is Madame Bonacieux, and she has been taken away from him. Yep, and there it goes; I just lost all sympathy for him.

     The day after that, M. Dessessart (the captain of the guards) asks d’Artagnan for a private word. He gives him the honor of performing a dangerous mission along with four other men. D’Artagnan is ecstatic, and they get pumped up for their covert attack.  On the mission, d’Artagnan is attacked again by the two assassins, but this time manages to subdue one and pin him to the ground. He forces the poor, wounded man to tell him who has employed him. Indeed, Milady set up these assassination attempts, and there is an important letter from her in the accomplice’s pocket. The accomplice was shot by actual enemy fire, so he is lying in the middle of the battlefield. D’Artagnan forces the bandit to go fetch the letter, but sees him dragging his bleeding body and feels pity. So, he calls the poor guy a coward (what happened to the pity?), and does it himself. The letter reveals to d’Artagnan that the queen has rescued Madame Bonacieux and taken her to hide in a convent for the time being. Madame Bonacieux was supposed to have been transported to Milady’s place, but she was intercepted. D’Artagnan feels more joyous than, in my opinion, he deserves to feel after caring so little about her when she actually needed him. When he returns to camp after the five successfully perform their mission, he brags to everyone about how he stopped the assassins and gained information from them. To his credit, though, he takes the wounded would-be-assassin back to camp to be treated. He then feels a lot less nervous and lets down his guard. Dumas calls him out on it, saying that his tranquility is misguided.

Reaction

     The transition from adventure story to a war story is surprising, interesting, and kind of disturbing. Too many deaths! Also, D’Artagnan is being ridiculous again. How can he claim to love Madame Bonacieux? We’ve already seen that he is incapable of being loyal to any woman. However, I love that Dumas condemns his carelessness. Some of the time, my real problem with d’Artagnan is that Dumas does not make a ‘this is wrong’ judgment on d’Artagnan. If he did, we could work with our hero having some flaws – I still don’t think d’Artagnan’s behavior with women can be excused as a flaw, but some of his other bad moments could be. Since he doesn’t though, d’Artagnan is sometimes an unsympathetic hero. Also, I feel sad for Madame Bonacieux. She probably thinks d’Artagnan is worrying himself sick about her, and that’s why she allowed him that glimpse of her in the carriage. I hope she figures out his disloyalty and gets all feisty up in his face.

     My favorite line is when Dumas calls d’Artagnan out on his arrogance: “The brave exploit of d'Artagnan resulted in the restoration of the tranquility he had lost…This tranquility proved one thing--that d'Artagnan did not yet know Milady.”

Chapter 40: A Terrible Vision

Summary

      The cardinal greets d’Artagnan politely, and proceeds to prove that he knows far more about d’Artagnan than I would expect him to. The cardinal seems to know everything. It’s highly disconcerting. He knows about his letter being stolen, he knows about d’Artagnan’s trip to England, he knows about the ring that the queen gave d’Artagnan, and he knows about the kidnapping of Madame Bonacieux and d’Artagnan’s love for her. In fact, he orchestrated the capture of Madame Bonacieux because d’Artagnan ignored his previous summons. Now, he offers a post in the cardinal’s guards to d’Artagnan. D’Artagnan politely refuses, and the cardinal tells him that he is trying to protect him. When d’Artagnan makes it clear (still very courteously) that he refuses the cardinal’s offer, the cardinal tells him to remember in the future that he approached d’Artagnan first, and tried to save him. He adds that both of them are going to the campaign against England in La Rochelle, so they will see each other afterwards. It seems as if the cardinal is warning d’Artagnan, which scares him. D’Artagnan leaves with a heavy heart and troubled mind. His friends are relieved to see him in one piece, but Athos is also worried about the cardinal’s warning.

     The next day is spent packing and preparing for the campaign. The guard that d’Artagnan belongs to and the king’s Musketeers have an epic party that night, and the Fearsome Four enjoy themselves greatly. The day after that, both branches report to the king for review. The king is ill and tired that day, but he approves. Porthos haughtily bids goodbye to Madame Coquenard, who weeps as he rides away. Athos drinks wine. Aramis writes a letter to someone (really now, Dumas, you can’t expect us to be oblivious to the fact that it is clearly the Duchesse of Chevreuse. Why is Aramis trying to hide this? It’s very clear that she is his lover). D’Artagnan parties it up with the other Musketeers in the guard. He is having such an excellent time that he fails to observe Milady pointing to him and whispering to two thugs. They follow the company on horseback. Trouble ahead!

Reaction

     This chapter is exceedingly strange and foreboding. The cardinal is terrifying informed, and seems one step ahead of d’Artagnan. I must admit that I’m kind of glad that d’Artagnan got into trouble due to his behavior, however. The cardinal makes it clear that d’Artagnan has come to his attention because of recent complaints (in other words, Milady told all). However, I hope he watches himself more closely and stays safe – those thugs are fairly dangerous!

     My favorite line is M. Coquenard’s angry reaction to Porthos’s farewell: “[His] little gray eyes sparkled with anger at seeing his cousin all blazing new. Nevertheless, one thing afforded him inward consolation; it was expected by everybody that the campaign would be a severe one. He whispered a hope to himself that this beloved relative might be killed in the field.” My goodness! Bloodthirsty little old man!

Chapter 39: A Vision

Summary

     At four o’clock, all the friends are hanging out at Athos’s apartment. I thought that they knew Athos’s house was watched and would meet somewhere else? Well, hopefully Milady does not spring an ambush on them. Suddenly, Planchet brings two letters for d’Artagnan. Worryingly, one is from the cardinal. The other is from a person who has familiar handwriting. He rips that one open eagerly. It tells him to meet her (the mysterious letter-sender claims to be a woman) at seven o’clock on the road to Chaillot. D’Artagnan seems to think it is Madame Bonacieux. His friends warn him that it is probably a trap, but d’Artagnan says that the risk is worth it, and the others agree to help him fight if it is an ambush. The other letter is even more disquieting. The cardinal asks to meet d’Artagnan at eight o’clock that evening. All his friends again advise him not to go, but d’Artagnan remembers that the last time he disobeyed the cardinal, Madame Bonacieux was kidnapped. Consequently, he resolves to make that appointment also and again have his friends ready to intervene if needed.

     Aramis provides a horse for d’Artagnan. He says a friend sent him horses (basically the duchesse continues to supply him). Porthos has also received a good quality horse from the contrite Madame Coquenard. Then, all the friends set off. They stop by M. de Treville’s on the way, and update him on the cardinal letter situation. He says that if they get into trouble, he will endeavor to assist. Then, they bid him goodbye and leave for the road to Chaillot. After a long time galloping fruitlessly, a carriage speeds by, and d’Artagnan sees a woman inside who resembles Madame Bonacieux. As the carriage flies by, she puts two fingers to her lips, as if to blow a kiss, but makes no other sign and speaks no words. As per the note’s instructions, d’Artagnan, with an effort, stops himself from following the carriage, which is going to Paris, and instead stops to discuss the event with his friends. All of them clearly saw a woman in the carriage putting her hand to her mouth. Athos is the only other friend that actually knows Madame Bonacieux, and he also thinks that the lady looked like her. He also thinks that he saw a man’s head in the carriage. D’Artagnan speculates that she is being transferred from one prison to another.

     Then, the Fearsome Four go back to Paris themselves, to make d’Artagnan’s appointment with the cardinal. They decide to get extra reinforcements. They get twelve other Musketeers to wait outside in case d’Artagnan is kidnapped. D’Artagnan is highly uneasy about his meeting, but he composes himself, and allows himself to be conducted into a private room. There, a man sits, writing what d’Artagnan thinks is poetry. The man then looks up, and d’Artagnan realizes that he is the cardinal.

Reaction

     The cardinal summoning d’Artagnan is exciting and suspenseful. Plot again! The rest is all very odd. Assuming that the lady was Madame Bonacieux, poor lady – she really shouldn’t have taken all that trouble for him. She has no idea how emotionally disloyal he has been. Also, if d’Artagnan goes back to searching for her and claiming he loves her as if the last few chapters never happened, I will be outraged. It’s bad enough that d’Artagnan got another clue without trying. The clue just came to him, like Athos’s money.

     My favorite line was d’Artagnan talking to himself as he walks to the cardinal’s office, because he is just so misguided: “d'Artagnan, my friend, you are brave, you are prudent, you have excellent qualities; but the women will ruin you!” Ahem. Well. The women will ruin you? More like you will ruin the women and also ruin yourself in the process.  

Chapter 38: How, Without Incommoding Himself, Athos Procures his Equipment

Summary

     Are you serious, Dumas? Athos’s plan works? The money does come to him? I’m kind of speechless. Anyway, the chapter begins with d’Artagnan fleeing from the Place Royale in absolute and complete terror of Milady. He doesn’t even stop and think of poor Kitty (and Dumas wants us to think that’s something new?). D’Artagnan sprints all the way to Athos’s place, where a sleepy Grimaud opens the door. Poor Grimaud is horrified to see a young girl, and breaks his silence in order to scold her. Then, the girl pulls back her hood to reveal a manly face, and Grimaud thinks he’s an assassin and begins shouting for help. So d’Artagnan must reveal his identity. Athos hears the shouts and comes in the room. He scolds Grimaud for speaking (poor Grimaud!) and then proceeds to laugh at d’Artagnan. D’Artagnan tells him to stop laughing, and to prepare himself for some sickening news. Then, he tells Athos that Milady has a fleur-de-lis brand. Athos starts as if he has been shot. Then, he describes his wife – and the description fits Milady perfectly. Oh dear. They realize that they need to flee. They are all going to lay a siege on England in a few days, and will have to travel to La Rochelle. They decide that they will not flee, and instead just use the siege as a way to escape Milady’s wrath. Planchet shows up with Grimaud, and they bring d’Artagnan some clothes to change into. Athos and d’Artagnan agree to temporarily loan out Milady’s ring for money, and then reclaim it again when it is safe. Just then, Kitty arrives.

     She begs d’Artagnan for protection. He agrees to find her a job somehow. Meanwhile, she reveals that M. Bonacieux has been visiting Milady’s house often, and she is fairly sure that he recognized her as she approached the apartment complex. They all check downstairs, and sure enough the traitorous man has gone, probably to Milady’s place to tell her that D’Artagnan and the others are meeting in Athos’s apartment.  They realize that they must flee, and quite casually leave poor Planchet behind to stay on guard. The group then finds Aramis, who rather quickly gives Kitty a job courtesy of Madame Bois-Tracy, a friend of his. Then, they sell the ring temporarily, and buy horses. Just as they are going home, however, Athos decides that he doesn’t ever want to get the ring back, and asks d’Artagnan to return to the buyer, to tell the man that the ring is his forever, and to collect the extra money.

Reaction

     Wow, look at how hard Athos struggled to earn money and – oh wait no, he just sold a family heirloom. Oh wait, he didn’t even sell it, he just watched as d’Artagnan sold it and gave him half of the money. Also, I felt rather sad for Kitty, as she leaves for her new job; she tells d’Artagnan that she will always love him. She needs to move on. D’Artagnan was an uncaring dingbat towards her. Now, he replies kindly, saying that he too will love her, but actions speak louder than words. He wants his guilt and debt towards Kitty gone out of his life as soon as possible. Also, I hope the Fearsome Four leave Paris as quickly as possible, because I do not think that Milady will delay her revenge much.

     My favorite line was Grimaud’s astonishment at seeing d’Artagnan in Kitty’s flowery robes: “‘Holloa, there!’ cried [Grimaud]; ‘what do you want, you strumpet? What's your business here, you hussy?’” I’d love to see d’Artagnan’s reaction to being called a hussy. 

Chapter 37: Milady’s Secret

Summary

     Alternatively, this could be called ‘The Chapter in Which D’Artagnan is Unbelievably Idiotic, and Milady Becomes a Bit More Mysterious.’ But seriously, if you thought that d’Artagnan was acting imprudently in the last chapter, as I did, this one will blow your mind away with his idiocy. Dumas starts off the chapter by telling us that d’Artagnan is madly in love with Milady, and she does not love him at all in return. Yes Dumas, we know that, but thanks for the confirmation. D’Artagnan also decides to follow through with all his plans because he wants ‘revenge’ on Milady. At 11:00, d’Artagnan reaches Milady’s chamber again, and enters. Kitty, furious and heart-broken, considers betraying d’Artagnan, but decides not to out of compassion and fear. After two hours of enjoying each others’ company, Milady begins questioning him about how he plans to kill the Comte de Wardes. D’Artagnan dithers awhile, and then asks her if she truly loves him. Of course, she lies and affirms her love. So, d’Artagnan admits that he needs to confess something to her. NO. HE CANNOT BE THIS DUMB. I WILL NOT ALLOW IT. But alas for me, he is that daft, and he actually tells her. Yep, he tells Milady that he pretended to be the Comte de Wardes. This delusional man expected a few tears and reproaches, but then forgiveness. Ha! Yeah, right. More like a few fatal wounds, and then murder. Indeed, Milady totally loses it. As she freaks out, d’Artagnan notices a …wait for it…fleur-de-lis on her bare shoulder! What? She realizes that he has seen it, and screams that she must kill him now that he knows.

     She rushes up, and grabs a small dagger from her bedside table. She attempts to stab d’Artagnan, who also rises and grabs his sword. Oh lord. Also, when they stand up, the narration reveals that they were in bed together all this time. That’s kind of odd; Dumas beat around the bush with euphemisms such as them ‘abandoning themselves to love.’ Seeing as he used the same sort of language before with Kitty, I suppose d’Artagnan must have had sexual relations with her also. That makes him even more contemptible than he seemed before, since he was only pretending to love Kitty. Anyway, Milady and d’Artagnan circle each other. D’Artagnan is terrified of Milady’s inhuman fury, and escapes into Kitty’s adjoining room, and the two lock the door. In her rage, Milady stabs through the door repeatedly, howling and screaming. D’Artagnan asks Kitty to help him escape, and is about to rush out of the chamber when Kitty reminds him that he is naked. He is?? So the duel was a naked duel? That’s hilarious. D’Artagnan impatiently orders Kitty to help him get dressed. So Kitty gives him the largest clothes she owns – a flowery robe, a cloak, and a pair of slippers. D’Artagnan dresses in that dashing outfit, and speedily runs away from the Place Royale. Oh man, I hope Milady doesn’t hurt Kitty!

Reaction

     Well then! D’Artagnan really blew it this time. I absolutely cannot believe that he put himself and Kitty in such danger because he got fooled into thinking Milady loves him. What happened to his promise to Athos? What happened to his resolutions to stay on his guard? What happened to his common sense? One good thing did come out of it though – d’Artagnan’s terror-filled dash from the Place Royal dressed in Kitty’s clothes must have been a grand sight to see. I’m not sure what to think of Milady now. All the signs point to her being Athos’s ‘murdered’ wife. This, if it is true, obviously means that she was not murdered, and either escaped or survived the hanging. Or, Athos could be lying about being a murderer. Again, I doubt it, but it’s a happy possibility. Hmmm. Intrigue! Milady’s rage was incredibly unnerving, and I don’t blame d’Artagnan at all for fleeing. I do blame him, however, for his completely delusional love for her, and complete lack of control – why can’t he keep his mouth shut? Also, in what direction is sleeping with Milady getting revenge, especially since he actually loved/was infatuated with her? He needs to admit that he acted stupidly and then stop acting that way. He better not go back to Milady.  

     My favorite line is from Milady again: “‘Ah, wretch!’ cried she, ‘you have basely betrayed me, and still more, you have my secret! You shall die.’” How great of a villain is she?

Chapter 36: Dream of Vengeance

Summary

     D’Artagnan really is playing with fire here. Also, he failed to keep his promise to Athos, which was to stay away from Milady. Wow, and I actually thought he had realized how foolish he was being! The next two days, Milady keeps asking d’Artagnan over for dinner. She is likely hurt and wants to raise her self esteem with d’Artagnan’s fawning presence. D’Artagnan does not come, because he is a sadistic jerk. On the third day, however, Milady actually sends him a note via Kitty. After reassuring poor Kitty that he is just playing along to make sure she doesn’t suspect him (yeah, right…how many more excuses?), he goes to dinner at the Place Royale. Milady looks haggard and pale, as if due to sleeplessness or grief. She also plays her part very well, and by the end of the meal, d’Artagnan is once again in love with her. In fact, he confesses his love in an overdramatic way, but it sounds similar to what he had said to Madame Bonacieux so he’s definitely being genuine here. She asks him to prove his love by wreaking vengeance on an enemy of hers, who has hurt her badly. Oh shoot, I think we know where this is going…sure enough, she keeps hinting that it is the Comte de Wardes. Then, just before she reveals his name, d’Artagnan blurts it out. Shut up d’Artagnan, oh my goodness sakes, did you really just do that?! I am appalled. Does he have no impulse-control? Just randomly falling in and out of love, kissing girls, not planning well, showing off incriminating evidence, and blurting out information?

     Unsurprisingly, Milady freaks out, demanding to know how d’Artagnan knows that it was the Comte de Wardes. D’Artagnan manages to escape by saying that the Comte was showing off a ring of hers in a bar the previous night. Milady is so angry that she fails to notice how obvious it is that d’Artagnan is lying through his teeth. D’Artagnan promises to avenge her, even when she proposes that he do so the next day. Unlike Madame Bonacieux before her, Milady says that she loves d’Artagnan in return. Unfortunately for d’Artagnan, her endearments sound cold and fake. D’Artagnan is too overjoyed to mind, however, and alarmingly dips into non-consensual territory as he kisses her repeatedly despite not getting any reciprocation in the kisses. She refuses to act loving or ‘prove her love,’ and actually forces him out the door, bidding him to return at 11:00 pm. Kitty almost has a panic attack when she hears that, but Kitty is the last thing on d’Artagnan’s dumb mind. It is painfully clear that Milady does not love him at all, and in fact Dumas even tells us that she thinks he is an idiot, she is merely using him, and she plans to dispose of him when she is done.  

Reaction

     Yes, I am ticked off by d’Artagnan. I cannot believe someone who makes so many darn blunders never feels the consequences! I would sympathize much more with him if the world functioned as it does in everyday life – some average person pulls a bunch of stupid moves; they pay for it. Also, while Kitty is a nice girl, how mind-bogglingly gullible is she?!? I am amazed that she continues to believe that d’Artagnan cares for her at all. I want to sit the poor girl down, give her a cookie, explain to her how naïve she is acting, and advise her to apply for a job away from Milady and d’Artagnan. Also, is d’Artagnan really going to go through with killing the Comte de Wardes? I hope not! What if he really does love Milady back? That would be distressing.

     My favorite lines were d’Artagnan being romantic. He just sounds so cheesy and pathetic. When Milady says she has an enemy, d’Artagnan replies with “is that possible, my God?--good and beautiful as you are?” Also, when she lies that she loves him back, he says “Oh, you are an angel!” and calls her ‘dear love.’ Dear love? Good? Angel? Where has d’Artagnan even been for the last few chapters? 

Chapter 35: A Gascon A Match For Cupid

Summary

     The night on which Milady is supposed to meet the ‘Comte de Wardes’ approaches. That evening, d’Artagnan goes over to the Place Royale as usual. At 10:00, Milady starts getting restless, and d’Artagnan leaves. Or ‘leaves,’ because he actually just hides in Kitty’s wardrobe again, waiting for the appointed time. When I read this part, I wasn’t quite sure how this would work at all because of course Milady could tell the difference between d’Artagnan and the Comte de Wardes. However, Milady conveniently plans to turn all the lights off in her house because she wants the meeting to be furtive and romantic. While d’Artagnan waits, he tries to comfort a heartbroken Kitty. Milady calls Kitty to her side, all smiles and joy. She asks poor Kitty every detail of her supposed interactions with the Comte de Wardes, asking Kitty how in love he looked, if he was excited, etc. She is so wild with happiness and love that she gives Kitty a purse with money to make up for how she has treated her recently. Wow, she really cares for the Comte. I can’t help but pity her. 

     Then, as soon as the lights are off, d’Artagnan announces his entrance. Yeah, not suspicious at all. I’m going to be honestly surprised if the astute and ruthless Milady is fooled. Their meeting is torturous to d’Artagnan as he becomes more and more jealous of the Comte, who Milady really cares about. Kitty of course is devastated, and is sobbing in her room. Worse, Milady asks ‘the Comte’ how much his wounds hurt. At a loss, d’Artagnan awkwardly replies that they hurt a lot. She then gets vicious, promising to cruelly take vengeance on d’Artagnan. D’Artagnan-pretending-to-be-the-Comte should be having an awful time, but he has such a weird mixture of love/attraction and loathing/fear towards her that he is drawn towards her and hangs on her every word. Or at least that’s his excuse. Near the end of their meeting, Milady gives d’Artagnan a beautiful sapphire ring inset with brilliants.

     The next morning, d’Artagnan practically trips over himself running to Athos’s for advice – and a bit of bragging. Dingbat. He tells Athos all, and as he anticipated, Athos disapproves highly. He says that though Milady is cold and vicious, he has played a cruel trick on her, and ought to be afraid that she will find out and take revenge. I completely agree. D’Artagnan eventually agrees to break away connections with Milady. Ha! So his ‘love’ for her doesn’t run so deep either! He then shows off his new ring. He has taken off the queen’s ring, and replaced it with Milady’s. Good grief, is he in his right senses? Why in the world would he wear it for everyone to see? Didn’t he hear Milady’s promises of vengeance? And she’s that angry at him without knowing about this latest trick. Luckily, Athos convinces him to take it off. Upon further examination, Athos also realizes that the ring is familiar – it is a ring he used to own, and that was in his family for generations. He gave it away in a night of love, he says. Mysterious! In addition, the friendship between the two guys is repaired, as Athos tells d’Artagnan that he cares about him as if he was family, and only wants the best for him. They part amiably, and d’Artagnan returns home.

     Upon reaching home, d’Artagnan sees Kitty waiting for him with another message from Milady to the Comte, asking him when to meet again. D’Artagnan proceeds to write a crushingly cruel letter from ‘the Comte,’ which in effect disavows any love, and thus breaks it off with Milady as he promised to Athos. The actual letter’s words are worse. D’Artagnan has the Comte de Wardes say that ever since his recovery from his wounds, he has been having quite a few affairs with women, Milady being just one out of many. He has a schedule to keep, y’know, so Milady ought to stop bothering him. Say what? I am actually in shock. What. Is. D’Artagnan. Doing. Kitty is mad with joy, and runs back very speedily with the letter, glad that Milady and d’Artagnan are over. Okay, I’m starting to get annoyed with Kitty. Milady, understandably, is devastated, humiliated, and furious when she reads the letter. She stumbles, and sinks into a chair with horror. Kitty thinks she is fainting, and tries to help, but Milady pushes her off in anger. 

Reaction

     I am honestly appalled at d’Artagnan’s behavior. Milady is an avaricious and cruel lady, but d’Artagnan really tried to kick her where it hurts. And then that letter he sent? Really, d’Artagnan? He’s just rubbing salt in her wounds. And Kitty is so oblivious is hurts – she is helping d’Artagnan crush Milady’s heart because she loves him. But he still definitely does not love her back. Also, d’Artagnan keeps claiming that his actions are revenge against Milady. Uh, what exactly is d’Artagnan trying to take revenge for? One could hardly argue that he is trying to take revenge for Madame Bonacieux’s kidnapping; it is clear that he has completely forgotten his love for her. What else, then? The only explanation is that he is trying to take revenge for his broken heart. Even since Kitty told him that Milady loves the Comte, he has being trying to form this ‘revenge.’ Taking revenge for love not being reciprocated is not only immature, it also very inappropriate in this situation. D’Artagnan has really acted awfully in the last few chapters. How awfully has he behaved? Let me count the ways:

 1. He did not try very hard to search for poor Madame  Bonacieux.

     2. He failed to feed the lovely Planchet.  

     3. He stopped caring about Madame Bonacieux, and decided that it was okay to pursue other women.

     4. He became infatuated with a murderous and cruel lady.

     5. He risked his best friends’ lives in a duel in order to meet Milady.

     6. He refused to accept Milady’s lack of reciprocation.

     7. He forged a letter to Milady from her love interest, getting her hopes up.

     8. He manipulated, lied to, and pretended to love a poor young maid. 

     9. He impersonated another man in order to pretend that Milady actually loved him even just for a night (don’t even pretend that’s not why you did that, d’Artagnan)

    10. He accepted a valuable ring from Milady that was meant for someone else.

    11. He showed off said ring to his friends as if he made a conquest or something.

    12. He took advantage of Milady’s weak spot by again forging a letter to her that brutally rejected her in the most humiliating way possible. This part was truly awful, because Milady seemed inhuman except for her love for the Comte de Wardes, and d’Artagnan actively broke down that human side of her.

There you go. Twelve reasons why d’Artagnan is acting like a scumbag.

     My favorite part by far was Milady’s angry refusal of Kitty’s help after she received ‘the Comte’s’ rejection. I actually love that the scariest villain in this novel is a woman, despite her selfishness and cruelty, I admire Milady’s spirit and lack of gender conformity. I mean, the other women in the novel are peaceful, emotional, self-sacrificing, and in need of rescuing. Even Madame Bonacieux, spy extraordinaire, was freed from her bonds by d’Artagnan initially. But not Milady! This lady just goes for what she wants, bam! She isn’t afraid to be angry or self-interested. And this latest chapter made her rather sympathetic, too. Great villain, I must say. .. Dumas, you have redeemed yourself at least partially, solely by creating Milady’s character. I am impressed. My favorite line of hers was:

“I faint? I? I? Do you take me for half a woman? When I am insulted I do not faint; I avenge myself!” I actually adore this line so much that I want to frame it along with a picture of Milady chomping away on her handkerchief. 

Chapter 34: In Which the Equipments of Aramis and Porthos is Treated of

Summary

     Yeah, I don’t get the title either. But the general gist of the chapter is Aramis’s and Porthos’s equipment, and how they either got or failed to get money for it. Also, a character that disappeared in the early chapters makes an unexpected return. As we know, the Fearsome Four have been busy attempting to get money (or in Athos’s case, waiting for money to find him). So, they only meet once a week, at Athos’s house because he refuses to leave his home. At their weekly meeting, everyone is calm except for Aramis, who is anxious. Shortly, a messenger for Aramis comes along, and he rushes off in great excitement to see what the message is. Then, Mousqueton comes in with a message for Porthos. Porthos inquires if the horses from Madame Coquenard have arrived. Mousqueton gives his catchphrase, “yes and no,” and bids Porthos to follow him and see the trouble. Athos and d’Artagnan are a bit stiff with each other, since they cannot agree about Milady. D’Artagnan wants to tell Athos everything, including the forged letter he gave to Kitty, but he hesitates, knowing that Athos would disapprove. Dumas now leaves the two friends to stew in uncomfortable small talk or silence or whatever, and switches to Aramis’s story.

     Aramis’s message is from the Duchesse of Chevreuse, and it says that she hopes they will be reunited soon. Aramis is overjoyed to see the letter and at first doesn’t even notice the bag of gold that the Duchesse has sent along with it. Now he can pay for his outfit! However, he looks at the duchesse’s letter with more interest than the money. Aww. Now that’s more loving than any of d’Artagnan’s ‘relationships.’ Aramis is doing a mental happy dance when d’Artagnan walks in. Huh. I guess Athos and d’Artagnan had so little to talk about that they parted ways despite this being their first meeting in a week. Ouch – I actually liked their friendship and I hope it doesn’t disappear because of d’Artagnan’s stupid womanizing ways. Aramis again lies and tells d’Artagnan that the gold is from his publisher, but d’Artagnan sees through the fib. Regardless, both are very happy that Aramis is all set money-wise.

     In his joyful state, Aramis decides to treat everyone to dinner. Of course, they must eat at Athos’s since Athos won’t leave his abode. Athos decides to order the food since he has good taste. Then, Aramis and d’Artagnan go to find Porthos. On their way, they encounter Mousqueton, who is leading a terribly low-quality set of animals; a horse and mule. The horse is quite ugly, and an odd color. No, it cannot be. Yes, it is! IT’S HIM! It’s d’Artagnan’s old horse! It’s horse’Artagnan! I thought we’d never see his skinny yellow hide again. This is such a beautiful reunion. D’Artagnan is highly shocked and kind of delighted to see him again. This reminds me of when I used to love d’Artagnan’s character. Then, d’Artagnan and Aramis wait for Porthos while he scolds Madame Coquenard. He is so upset with her that he refuses to forgive her. Poor lady, those steeds were all she could afford!

Reaction

     I’m so glad to see horse’Artagnan again. I missed the old beastie. The rest of the chapter is mostly plot advancements – getting Aramis’s money story out of the way, and doing a bit of catch-up on what was going on with the rest of the Musketeers while d’Artagnan was busy being a dingbat. Also, I just realized something. Aramis and the Duchesse of Chevreuse literally have the best romance in the novel. The love seems to be mutual, no one is overdramatic or pretentious, and the relationship is about love, not money. And her letter to him is actually a fairly unaffected and sweet message, with no gushing, hysterics, or drama.  I hope it continues! And now, we know that Dumas is capable of writing a relatively pleasant relationship. He should try it more often!

     My favorite part was d’Artagnan reuniting with horse’Artagnan: “D'Artagnan uttered a cry of surprise, which was not quite free from joy. ‘Ah, my yellow horse,’ cried he. ‘Aramis, look at that horse!’ ‘Oh, the frightful brute!’ said Aramis. ‘Ah, my dear,’ replied d'Artagnan.” *wipes tear*